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Monday, November 17, 2014

What a shit week.

I'm warning you all now, if you want some feel good blog post -- this ain't it. In the last week alone I have been mourning the loss of a beautiful girl named Faith. She was 10 and Jacob called her princess. The boys and Faith shared an AI classroom for two years. Jacob retrieved just about anything she wanted and I didn't even know her real name until I asked the teacher who Princess was". 
When her mom found this story and history out so she asked me to send a picture of Jacob so she could print that story out with his photo and bury it with her. 
A mom, like me, buried her 10 year old little child. 
A good friend of mine, two days after the funeral, was told her 18 year old, angelic son had been killed in a fiery car crash. He didn't suffer. Kendra shows a level of strength that I have never witnessed. 
A mom, like me, is burying her son on Sunday. 
In the middle of this, I am mourning my own loss of my first child. On November 12, she would've been 10. 
I am that mom. 
Yes, I'm holding my rascals so tight they have to give me the obligatory, "mommmmm!"  I know my hyper vigilance will settle. I know I will persevere. All I want right now is to be a really good, encouraging friend. 
This past week has been strikingly painful and profoundly intense. I haven't slept in 36 hours so I apologize for the ramble. 
I don't know what else to say other than I need to get back to living life. Regardless of quality. Regardless of shitty pain and the like, I have to do something. 
And I need all of you to hold me up for awhile.
Still Searching. 

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